Tuesday, February 11, 2014

25 Things You Need to Stop Wasting Time On

“Dost thou love life?  Then do not squander time,
for that’s the stuff life is made of.”
―Benjamin Franklin
This morning I received a thank you email from a reader named Hope.  She said our blog and book helped motivate her through an arduous recovery process following a serious car accident last year.  Although her entire story was both heartbreaking and inspiring, this one line made me pause and think:
“The happiest moment of my life is still that split-second a year ago when, as I laid crushed under a 2000 pound car, I realized my husband and 9-year-old boy were out of the vehicle and absolutely OK.”
Dire moments like this force us to acknowledge what’s truly important to us.  In Hope’s case, it was her husband and son.  And in the remainder of her email, she talks about how her family spends significantly more time together now, simply sharing stories, telling jokes, and appreciating each other’s company.  “The accident made us realize how much time we had been wasting every day on things that weren’t important, which prevented us from spending quality time with each other,” she said.
It’s hard to think about a story like Hope’s and not ask yourself:  “What do I need to stop wasting time on?”
Here are some things to consider, that I’ve been examining in my own life:
  1. Distractions that keep you from special moments with special people. – Pay attention to the little things, because when you really miss someone you miss the little things the most, like just laughing together.  Go for long walks.  Indulge in great conversations.  Count your mutual blessings.  Let go for a little while and just BE together.
  2. Compulsive busyness. – Schedule time every day to not be busy.  Have dedicated downtime – clear points in the day to reflect, rest, and recharge.  Don’t fool yourself; you’re not so busy that you can’t afford a few minutes of sanity.
  3. Negative thinking about your current situation. – Life is like a mirror; we get the best results when we smile.  So talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems.  Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.  Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there.
  4. The needless drama around you. – Be wise enough to walk away from the nonsense around you.  Focus on the positives, and soon the negatives will be harder to see.
  5. The desire for everything you don’t have. – No, you won’t always get exactly what you want, but remember this:  There are lots of people who will never have what you have right now.  The things you take for granted, someone else is praying for.  Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they already have.
  6. Comparing yourself to everyone else. – Social comparison is the thief of happiness.  You could spend a lifetime worrying about what others have, but it wouldn’t get you anything.  (Read The How of Happiness.)
  7. Thinking about who you were or what you had in the past. – You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago.  You’re always growing.  Experiences don’t stop.  That’s life.
  8. Worrying about the mistakes you’ve made. – It’s OK if you mess up; that’s how you get wiser.  Give yourself a break.  Don’t give up.  Great things take time, and you’re getting there.  Let your mistakes be your motivation, not your excuses.  Decide right now that negative experiences from your past won’t predict your future.
  9. Worrying about what everyone thinks and says about you. – Don’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal.  Rarely do people do things because of you; they do things because of them.  You honestly can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you.  All you can do is change how you react and who you choose to be around.
  10. Self-deception. – Your life will improve only when you take small chances.  And the first and most difficult chance you can take is to be honest with yourself.
  11. A life path that doesn’t feel right. – Life is to be enjoyed, not endured.  When you truly believe in what you’re doing, it shows, and it pays.  Success in life is for those who are excited about where they are going.  It’s about walking comfortably in your own shoes, in the direction of YOUR dreams.
  12. Everyone else’s definition of success and happiness. – You simply can’t base your idea of success and happiness on other people’s opinions and expectations.
  13. Those who insist on using and manipulating you. – What you allow is what will continue.  Give as much as you can, but don’t allow yourself to be used.  Listen to others closely, but don’t lose your own voice in the process.  (Read Codependent No More.)
  14. Trying to impress everyone. – One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and that’s perfectly OK.  No matter how you live, someone will be disappointed.  So just live your truth and be sure YOU aren’t the one who is disappointed in the end.
  15. All the fears holding you back. – Fear is a feeling, not a fact.  The best way to gain strength and self-confidence is to do what you’re afraid to do.  Dare to change and grow.  In the end, there is only one thing that makes a dream completely impossible to achieve: Lack of action based on the fear of failure.
  16. Doubting and second-guessing yourself. – When in doubt just take the next small step.  Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.
  17. People who continuously dump on your dreams. – It’s better to be lonely than allow negative people and their opinions derail you from your destiny.  Don’t let others crush your dreams.  Do just once what they say you can’t do, and you will never pay attention to their negativity again.
  18. Thinking the perfect time will come. – You can’t always wait for the perfect moment.  Sometimes you must dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what could have been.
  19. Band-Aids and temporary fixes. – You can’t change what you refuse to confront.  You can’t find peace by avoiding things.  Deal with problems directly before they deal with your happiness.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
  20. Close-minded judgments. – Open your mind before you open your mouth.  Don’t hate what you don’t know.  The mind is like a parachute; it doesn’t work when it’s closed.
  21. Other people’s mistakes and oversights. – Today, be tolerant of people’s mistakes and oversights.  Sometimes good people make bad choices.  It doesn’t mean they’re bad; it simply means they are human.
  22. Resentment. – Kindness is not to be mistaken for weakness, nor forgiveness for acceptance.  It’s about knowing that resentment is not on the path to happiness.  Remember, you don’t forgive people because you’re weak. You forgive them because you’re strong enough to know that people make mistakes.
  23. Any hateful thoughts at all. – Set an example.  Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.  Make kindness a daily ritual; it’s what makes life happier and more fulfilling in the long run.
  24. Regrets of any kind. – You don’t have to be defined by the things you once did or didn’t do.  Don’t let yourself be controlled by regret.  Maybe there’s something you could have done differently, or maybe not.  Either way, it’s merely something that has already happened.  Leave the unchangeable past behind you as you give yourself to the present moment.
  25. Every point in time other than right now. – Don’t cry over the past, it’s gone.  Don’t stress too much about the future, it hasn’t arrived.  Do your best to live NOW and make this moment worth living.

Your turn…

Truth be told, the most important decision you will ever make is what you do with the time that is given to you.  So let’s revisit the question I proposed in the intro:  What do you need to stop wasting time on?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: James Jordan
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Before You Quit Your Job, Do These 10 Things

In his new book, Smart People Should Build Things (HarperBusiness, 2014), the "recovering lawyer" and founder of Venture for America Andrew Yang offers up his opinion on how our country can rectify our current economic problems – have smart people build things. His book delves into an innovative model on how entrepreneurs and our youth can launch small businesses and revolutionize industries. Yang also touches on what policy makers and individuals looking for jobs should do to ensure entrepreneurship is both attainable and realistic.
In this edited excerpt, Yang explains why entrepreneurs spend too much time focusing on creativity and not enough on organizing and implementing a strategy to achieve their dreams.
People focus too much on the inspiration, but, like conception, having a good idea isn’t much of an accomplishment. You need the action and follow through, which involves the right people, know-how, money, resources, and years of hard work.
While you're still working a full-time job, here is a list of things you can do on the side to explore an idea for a great new business:
1. Research your idea. Figure out the market, talk to prospective customers about what they would like, see who your competitors are, and so forth.
2. Undertake legal incorporation and trademark protection.
3. Claim a web URL, build a website (or have it built) and get company email accounts.
4. Get a bank account and credit card (most likely you'll have to use personal credit at first).
5. If appropriate, initiate a Facebook page, a blog and a Twitter account.
6. Develop branding.
7. Talk it up to your network. Try to find interested parties as co-founders, staff, investors and advisers.
8. If necessary, build financial projections and draft a business plan.
9. Engage in personal financial planning, including cutting back on expenses and budgeting for startup costs.
10. Create a mock prototype and presentation for potential investors or customers.
If all of this sounds like a lot of work, you’re right. Getting this done while holding down a job is a significant commitment. Yet, you’re just getting started. There’s a big jump in difficulty when it comes to the next things.
1. Raise money. In my experience, fledgling entrepreneurs focus way too much on the money -- you can get most things done and figure out a lot without spending much. That said, most businesses require money to launch and get off the ground. Finding initial funds is the primary barrier most entrepreneurs face, as many people don’t have three or six months’ worth of savings to free themselves up to do months of unpaid legwork.
2. Develop the product. Product development is a significant endeavor. Even if you’re hiring someone to build your product, managing them to specifications is a huge task in itself. You can expect vendors to take twice as long and cost twice as much as you planned. This phase might require raising additional money as well.
3. Build a team. Most people don’t build a business alone and finding quality partners or employees can be time consuming and unpredictable. Your first employee is going to look to you for guidance and her productivity is going to depend on your ability to manage. With partners, you’ll need to make sure you can work well with them, since they’re going to be with you from the ground up and for years afterward.
4. Get customers. Going to trade shows or trying to get your first handful of paying customers is typically a major time investment. This can involve web marketing, producing content and search engine optimization -- all of which take significant energy and resources to generate a return.
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10 Types Of Friends You Shouldn’t Feel Bad Dumping

Christina Lu / BuzzFeed

1. People who can never remember when your birthday is.


If someone you regularly hang out with can’t be bothered to remember your birthday, or what it is you do at work these days, or what the name of your coffee shop crush is, or how much money s/he owes you, consider that this person might not be so much your friend as s/he is a mere body to which you are sometimes adjacent. Friends (at least sometimes!) do things for you that inconvenience them. Friends take up valuable memory hard drive space for you. Of COURSE levels vary, and we won’t have the same expectations of the high school friends we see twice annually, but if you’re hanging out with someone regularly and they don’t seem to know ANYthing that’s going on with you, why?

2. People who can’t stop correcting you.


You know when someone’s like, “ACTUALLY, it’s pronounced hoo-moose, not hum-us”? First of all, nobody normal says it like that, so shut up. Second of all, what we mean here is that it’s exhausting (and dispiriting!) to be friends with someone who consistently makes you feel stupid. These are the know-it-alls, and the people who make you feel like you should be ashamed for not having read whatever book or seen whatever documentary. These are the people who REFUSE to acknowledge that you’re capable of understanding whatever it is they’re trying to say. Conversations with these people are heavy on interruption and the dismissive “wellllllll” and light on anything enjoyable.
Christina Lu / BuzzFeed

3. People who wait for YOU to make plans (and then almost always cancel).


Check out your text history. Is it noticeably one-sided? Filled with various iterations of the “I’m so sorry, I’m the WORST, but I actually need to bail tonight” message? The thing is, habitually blowing someone off IS the worst, and acknowledging it isn’t enough to fix it. Everyone in the whole world is busy, which is why we carve out time specifically for the people we love. It’s important, and it’s necessary. Prioritize the people who prioritize you.

4. People who never want to do what you want to do.


Listen, there’s no inherently bad pastime (unless, I don’t know, you’re really into bullying? Or murder?). But if your friend wants to dance until 3 in the morning, and you’re really in the mood for some Cards Against Humanity, or if, when Friday comes around, she’s begging you to join her in a loud bar with some stiff drinks and you’d rather stay home with your new vaporizer and your backed-up Hulu queue, there’s a bigger issue at hand. Free time is a limited and valuable commodity, and if the ways in which you and your friend choose to spend it are incompatible, it might speak to your own incompatibility. People change, as do their habits, and if neither of you are into compromising, it’s time to move on.
Christina Lu / BuzzFeed

5. People who never tell you why they’re mad, even though you know they’re so mad.


Is this a conversation you want to have upward of 2,000 times in the span of a few years?
You: “What’s wrong?”
Friend: “NOTHING.”
You: “It seems like you’re mad at me?”
Friend: “Well I’M NOT.”
Confrontations are not easy, but the ability to have them is pretty much mandatory for any close relationship. It is better to have them (and make friends with people who can have them) than to simmer with rage, in silence, until all our hair falls out and our bones shrivel and we die.

6. People who will only hang out with you when their S.O. is completely unavailable and/or out of the country.


You are going to see your friends less often when they’re in romantic relationships, probably, and it is going to be so stupid. But a little understandable. But a lot stupid. But if you’re seeing them WAY less often, and are being canceled on in circumstances like the time Carrie bailed on dinner with Miranda so she could cook veal with Big (leaving aside the fact that this worked out well for Miranda because that’s when Miranda met Steve, but that’s beside the point), that’s bullshit. Maintaining strong friendships while in a romantic relationship can be challenging, so it’s great to find people who will actually work at it rather than squeezing you in only when there is literally no way to hang out with their significant other that night.
Christina Lu / BuzzFeed

7. People who can’t be happy for you.


The world offers MORE THAN ENOUGH sources of judgment (hello and welcome to the internet) and the people you keep close to you should be your respite. Your friends are meant to be your champions, genuinely and reliably, so if the congratulatory messages you’re receiving are laced with resentment (“You’re so lucky to work in an industry that promotes people so quickly!”) or negated by subtle insults (“Oh, is that a good grad program? Huh.”) it’s time to question just how invested that person is in your happiness. And they should be super invested! Because the cool things about friends is that their happiness is also yours, and vice versa.

8. People who never ask how YOUR day/weekend/life was.


Most of us are guilty of talking about ourselves too much. The price we pay for doing this, at the very end of describing in great detail our fascinating dreams or whatever, is to ask our friends how THEY’RE doing, what’s new with THEM, and to really care about the answers. Some people forget (“forget”) about this part of the exchange, and will simply continue talking about themselves for as long as your face stays within 10 feet of theirs. Sometimes it takes a while to notice what is going on, because these people are often very good at making it SEEM like you’re talking about things besides them. This is a great and also very evil skill.
Christina Lu / BuzzFeed

9. People who make you feel like everything is the worst.


There’s nothing wrong with a healthy dose of skepticism, and of course we aren’t suggesting you surround yourself with unrelenting optimists. If nothing else, things would get very boring very quickly. But you know what else is boring? Making a habit of assuming the worst in both people and circumstances. So when your buddy’s default is extreme negativity, you’re put in the position of either joining him there or being the upper to his Debbie Downer — and both are pretty exhausting.

10. People whom you can’t trust as far as you can throw them.


Is this the correct saying? Who can really throw anyone, is a fair question. But sometimes you meet someone, and become friends sort of, and you notice that s/he seems really nice to YOU, but talks complete shit about everyone else all the time, and is generally pretty mean, and then you see him or her be nice to the people s/he was talking shit to you abou earlier, and you realize: This person is almost CERTAINLY talking massive shit about you too. Just not to your face. A true friend talks shit to your face.
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4 Ways to Make Your Brain Work Better

michaeljung/ShutterstockPhoto by: michaeljung/Shutterstock
You're a busy person. Keeping up with your job, plus your life, has you constantly racing. It doesn't help that when working, you're distracted not only by your mobile devices, but also by your computer. You average 10 tabs open in your browser at any one time, and you compulsively click amongst them. One's your email, which never stops flowing in. At the end of the day, you sleep less than you know you should, but as you tell yourself, there's just never enough time.
If this is how you live, then Maria Konnikova has a simple message for you: Pause, step back, and recognize the actual costs of your habits. A psychology Ph.D. and popular writer for The New Yorker, Konnikova circles back, again and again, to a common theme: how we thwart our own happiness, and even sometimes harm our brains, in our quest for a simply unattainable level of productivity. "The way that we've evolved, the way our minds work, the way we work at our most optimal selves, is really not the way we have to operate today," Konnikova explained on this week's Inquiring Minds podcast. "I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, but I hope that if there are enough voices out there, someone will finally hear that, 'Hey, this attempt at hyperproductivity is making us much less productive.'"
Based on Konnikova's writings, here are four ways that we can change our lifestyles so as to also improve our brains and how they function:
Sleep more. Science still has a lot to learn about how sleep deprivation affects us. But the research is starting to look pretty grave, especially in light of new studies (Konnikova has written about them here) suggesting that a crucial function of sleep is to purge the brain of biochemical waste products that are the result of conscious brain activity. This means that not sleeping enough could be contributing to the buildup of harmful proteins like beta-amyloids, which could in turn predispose us to neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer's.
So how do you fix your bad sleep habits? Not easily: It requires nothing less than a major lifestyle change. "You can't just think that, 'Well, I'm not ever going to get enough sleep, but on the weekends I'll sleep in and I'll be okay,'" says Konnikova. "It doesn't work that way." Recovering from one night with too little sleep is easy, but recovering from chronic sleep deprivation requires nothing less than chronic sleep, er, restoration.
How much sleep? People vary, but the National Sleep Foundation says adults need seven to nine hours per night.
Stop being an internet junkie. You've probably wondered what the internet is doing to your brain. And especially if you can actually remember the era before the internet's existence, you've probably noticed how the widespread availability of things like email has changed you. It might even have made you into a kind of addict, habituated to constant switching from task, to task, to task: Facebooking, tweeting, emailing, reading…and whatever else arises.
Using the internet in this frenetic way is just bad for us, says Konnikova. "Where the problem comes in is when we start to do it all simultaneously, when we start to multitask and really very quickly switch our attention from an article, to a tweet, to a Facebook post, and we're just all over the place," she explains. "Because that's very cognitively demanding, and that makes us less able to engage with what we're reading and what we're doing, and it also just makes us exhausted and worse at the tasks that we do have to accomplish."
So how do you use the internet better? Set rules for yourself, advises Konnikova: a half-hour of email, followed by a half-hour of Twitter, and so on. You can force yourself to have this kind of discipline, or, you can use a tool to help you with it. To get writing done, Konnikova herself uses an app that blocks you from using the internet for a set period of time, forcing you to work and focus.
ollyy/Shutterstock
Put a check on your multitasking. Our problems with using the internet productively are just a subset of a broader problem: multitasking. We have a culture that encourages it, even though it forces us to use our brains suboptimally (at best). "How many job descriptions have you seen where it says, 'Good at multitasking,' or, 'We need someone who's a good multitasker'?" asks Konnikova. "It's just this mindset that this is a very very good thing."
It isn't. Konnikova wrote recently about how open offices, which are widespread, distract us and leave us stressed out and less productive. It's because they thwart our ability to focus; the space itself is structured for multitasking and a lot of distractions and interruptions. And yet, being able to focus is closely related to happiness. "There's really interesting work showing that when you're focused on what you're doing, you become happier, even if what you're doing is incredibly boring," says Konnikova. "And even if you're doing something very fun, it will be less fun for you if you're not paying attention to it."
So how do you stop multitasking? First, try to make a habit of noticing how much you do it, Konnikova says. And instead, as with the internet, try to discipline yourself, so that you do only one thing at a time.
Practice mindfulness. But there's also a broader solution. It's called mindfulness, and it's outlined in detail in Konnikova's bestselling bookMastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes.
The most striking thing about Arthur Conan Doyle's character is his supreme attentiveness, his ability to perceive the details that everybody else misses. And yet Konnikova notes that Holmes solves his crimes, in significant part, through inactivity. "He often just sits in his armchair and does a lot of nothing," says Konnikova. "He has his eyes closed, or is playing the violin, but often just does nothing at all." It is this rest, this calm, that enables Holmes to be such a hyperfocused and attentive detective when he's actually on the case.
So how do you think like Sherlock Holmes? Konnikova says you need to mimic the detective in his armchair: Take 10 to 15 minutes each day, set them aside, and designate them as your time for not doing anything. "All you really need to do, for instance, is sit in your chair in your office, and close your eyes for 10 minutes, and focus on your breath, just on the ins and outs of your breath," says Konnikova. "And that's it."
Research shows that such mindfulness exercises help improve your attention, your focus. "It's like a muscle, it starts growing stronger, bigger," says Konnikova. "You start being able to focus much more easily, and for longer stretches of time."
But, you might be thinking, making these changes would be so hard! Yet that very way of thinking is itself the problem. "It's this mindset that this is the way we need to operate, but it's really counterproductive," says Konnikova. "And what we don't realize is that it's making us less creative, it's making us unhappy, and it's not using humans to the best of their capacity on both a mental and physical level."
You can listen to the full interview with Maria Konnikova here:
This episode of Inquiring Minds, a podcast hosted by neuroscientist and musician Indre Viskontas and best-selling author Chris Mooney, also features a report by Climate Desk's Tim McDonnell on how climate change is threatening winter sports, and a special guest appearance by science communicator Dr. Kiki Sanford, who helps us break down what happened in the widely watched Bill Nye vs. Ken Ham creationism debate earlier this week.
To catch future shows right when they are released, subscribe to Inquiring Minds via iTunes or RSS. We are also available on Stitcher and on Swell. You can follow the show on Twitter at @inquiringshow and like us on Facebook.Inquiring Minds was also recently singled out as one of the "Best of 2013" shows on iTunes—you can learn more here.
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How to Create Ideas

First:

An idea is always a combination of existing things.
Therefore: seeing relationships between things is the most important skill to practice creating ideas.

Step One: Absorb

This is the part that most people skip. Don’t.
There are two types of information you’ll need: specific and general.
Specific information comes from studying your subject closely. You need to eat all the information that exists about your subject. Go to it/her/them/there and experience it deeply. Pay very close attention, and don’t let up.
General information comes from knowledge about life, and current events/science. You must continue to grow your resources in this category your entire life. But for the purpose of this exercise, balance your specific information gathering with reading the news, going to museums, or learning anything new or unrelated to your topic.

Step Two: Mix the pot

Jam the information you’ve gathered into combinations you never thought possible. Mind map. Make associative lists. Give your mind a work-out. Don’t try to think of answers, just more questions.
Mind map of Time Management via Dianna Podmoroff
This is where relationship-sensing comes in handy. Practice playing with words and ideas.
Try to really ‘listen’ for the relationships between elements, instead of forcing one.
During this stage you’ll probably have tons of ‘fuzzy’ and half-baked ideas—write these all down! They’re additional building blocks for you to use and mull over.
Once you’ve simply exhausted all of your data…

Step Three: Leave it to the Subconscious

Take a nap. Seriously. Or just go to bed. Drop it.
“…The creations involve a period of conscious work, followed by a period of unconscious work…”
Henri Poincare
Put the project out of your mind and do whatever it is that makes you feel great. Hiking, music, running, anything that you enjoy. The point is to let your subconscious mind take the wheel for a little while.

Step Four: Eureka!

The next morning, while you’re frying eggs, you’re going to be struck with inspiration. Or maybe when you’re walking the dog. Or in the shower. Or on the bus. Or whatever it is that you do that’s routine and your mind begins to wander… BOOM!
“Just think about it deeply, then forget it…then an idea will jump up in your face.”
Don Draper, Madmen s.1 e.11
Relish in the glory of your own mind for a moment. Only a moment, though— because the hardest part is yet to come.

Step Five: Develop & Shape the Idea into Actual Usefulness

Most ideas need to be bent, stretched, or otherwise modified from their original form before they join us in the physical plane.
Put your idea out there and embrace feedback. Although it may be painful to watch your mind-child be critiqued and battered from the input of others (who clearly don’t share the same creative genius as you!), it will help develop it from ‘a good idea’ into something really worthwhile.

Summary:

  1. Learn as much as you can about the topic
  2. Spend time ‘chewing’ your thoughts and mixing them together
  3. Do something else and let your subconscious work
  4. The idea will appear out of thin air in your mind
  5. Share your idea and bring it into reality
    6. If you can understand that ideas are combination of existing things, practice discovering relationships, and follow these steps (in order), you will produce many ideas!
    ☺
    This is a highly abbreviated version of a book I’ve read several times called: A Technique For Producing Ideas, by James Webb Young. It was written 70 years ago and is “THE classic on creative thinking” according to amazon. If you like what you read here I highly recommend buying the book, or at the very least, clicking the recommend button below.

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