Wednesday, January 29, 2014

The 5 most common career mistakes

I've posted about the top five career regrets but what are the most common career mistakes people make?
To shed light on individual behavior during job changes, we conducted a survey of over 400 search consultants from more than 50 industries in mid-2008. The respondents, 67 percent of whom had more than 10 years of experience and 70 percent of whom recruited stars at the senior-executive level or higher, were asked to specify the most common mistakes individuals make when contemplating a job change and the reasons for such mistakes. Also, over 500 C-level executives were interviewed from more than 40 countries in late 2008 about their experiences managing their own human capital. Finally, we posed similar questions to the heads of human resources at 15 multinational companies in mid-2009. [Chasing Stars: The Myth of Talent and the Portability of Performance]
The job-change mistakes most frequently identified by recruiters were (1) doing inadequate research; (2) being swayed excessively by money; (3) moving "from" rather than "to"; (4) overestimating oneself; and (5) thinking short term.
Let's dig in and analyze each.
Mistake 1: Doing inadequate research
Research isn't just a good idea before the interview.
It's necessary to understand whether the new company is someplace you're really going to be happy.
Job seekers often fail to "sufficiently [research] the field to know where they might make a good fit," one recruiter said. "They haven't taken stock of their strengths and weaknesses." …Recruiters repeatedly observed that people fail to request specific performance metrics, assuming that the job title sufficiently describes the job. Companies sometimes sweeten job titles to attract top talent — and new recruits at badly managed companies could find themselves in ill-defined jobs whose formal titles are meaningless. [Chasing Stars: The Myth of Talent and the Portability ofPerformance]
Mistake 2: Leaving for money
Because money is an easy measuring stick of success, people often ignoreless quantifiable metrics like fulfillment, respect, and good co-workers.
This leads to a bigger salary but less overall happiness.
Money is a scorecard, and people who lack awareness of their true priorities and success factors can be blinded by it. "[ Job seekers] get consumed by compensation and not by fit, so they keep moving, mistaking compensation for recognition, personal satisfaction, et cetera," one recruiter pointed out. "They don't take any time for introspection to understand why they are unhappy where they are." [Chasing Stars: The Myth of Talent and the Portability of Performance]
Mistake 3: Moving "from" rather than "to"
This is one of the most common career mistakes I've seen personally: Some people are so eager to escape where they're at, they don't pay much attention to where they're headed.
The third mistake identified by recruiters is allowing discontent in one's present position to build to the point that, as one recruiter put it, "instead of planning their career moves, they lurch from one crisis to the next." [Chasing Stars: The Myth of Talent and the Portability of Performance]
Mistake 4: Overestimating oneself
I've posted about overconfidence many times.
People often overestimate their ability to tackle challenges in a new role. Combined with Mistake #1, this can have devastating results.
They are "looking at the current company as being the problem and not acknowledging that they themselves may be a part of the problem," one recruiter said… An inflated self-image also leads job seekers to overestimate their capacity to cope in the new position. [Chasing Stars: The Myth of Talent and the Portability of Performance]
Mistake 5: Not taking a long-term perspective
We think of star employees as jumping around, taking bigger and better offers when it suits them.
Research shows A-players actually move to competitors lessfrequently.
Many stars recognize the value inherent in colleagues, context, and relationships and are smart enough to stick with a good thing.
Our finding that stars move to competitors less frequently than do non-stars (though they probably receive more overtures) suggests that those who have a record of performance to protect may be more cautious, at least in this respect, than those who are still on the ascent and possibly impatient to prove themselves. [Chasing Stars: The Myth of Talent and the Portability of Performance]
So what should you do?
Work for the best company you can.
Sounds obvious but it's not. As described above, people's most common career mistakes often involve being lured by salary, titles, or sheer impulsiveness.
Working for top firms makes it easier to become a star in the first place, and the longer people stay, the better they do.
When B-players move to A-level firms, they don't suffer a decrease in performance.
When A-players step down to B-firms, they have the biggest declines.
For ambitious professionals it clearly makes sense to affiliate with, and stick with, the highest-quality organizations. That it is far easier to achieve stardom in the first place at certain employers is an important observation with obvious applicability to individual careers. We also found that though longevity at an employer promotes better performance, the quality of the employer is very important when it comes to fostering first-rate performance. Furthermore, those who moved from lesser firms to superior firms were able to maintain their performance without penalty, while those who left the best firms suffered the greatest declines. Taken together, these findings strongly suggest that choosing an organization that offers high-quality colleagues and first-rate technical and supportive resources is of decisive importance in achieving and maintaining outstanding performance.[Chasing Stars: The Myth of Talent and the Portability of Performance]A

Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

Kate and Dan met on the job in Boston, when they were in their early 20s. He thought she was attractive; she thought he was an arrogant jerk. At a work party, it came out that both had lost a parent in recent years, and a mutual feeling of “you must really get me” washed over them. A few years later, when they both found themselves in New York and single, the friendship ramped way up, into multiple-phone-calls-per-day, soul-baring, belly-laughing territory.
It is that feeling that someone truly understands us that lends friendship its power to ward off existential loneliness. Kate and Dan share it, yet their brand of friendship is often seen as suspect—as less than pure and true. Friendships between people who could conceivably date come with built-in suspense for onlookers: Will they get together, or won't they?

6 Management Lessons From Visionary Women Leaders

From GM's new CEO Mary Barra to Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer, it's been a good year for women in leadership positions. Here, we've gathered advice from six influential women to inspire your own success in the new year.
It’s been a big year for women in leadership. Mary Barra just ascended to the throne of GM, becoming the first female in history to lead an automaker. Angela Ahrendts announced her departure from luxury British brand Burberry to head up Apple’s retail division. Marissa Mayer continues to apply an intrepid shoulder to push Yahoo’s comeback strategy forward. Others like Jenna Lyons, keep their focus on what they do best to drive their companies to greater heights.
We took a look back at our coverage of women in power and pulled together a select compendium of their best advice for either gender to lead a charge, in work and life.

Mary Barra On The Power of Really Loving Your Work

For Barra, a second generation GM employee, the success of the company is “in her blood.”
I have had many experiences that helped me grow and take with me a fundamental understanding of the industry and our challenges. I attacked each new position like I was going to do it for the rest of my life.
If you don’t address problems head on, they don’t go away--they get bigger. Get the right people together, address the challenges, and keep moving forward.
Every time I approach a new business opportunity, or a new activity, or a new role, I approach it as an engineer, as a professional, as a leader. My gender doesn’t really come into it.

Angela Ahrendts On the Power of Trust

Ahrendts presided over sweeping changes at Burberry that not only restored the brand’s luster, but propelled it into the Millennium with a series of successful digital strategies. She'll be taking her philosophies with her to Apple, where she'll lead retail starting in 2014.
When we sat down and said, "How have we created this energy? How do we keep 11,000 people so connected, so united?" And 90% of it is trust. There is an innate trust that I don't second-guess anything [creative director Christopher Bailey][/creative] does, never have. And on business, he doesn't second-guess anything I do.
We’ve never been finance first. We’ve always been instincts first.
My dad used to always say he can teach you anything but he couldn't teach you to feel. And so that's the hardest part when you have 11,000 people: How do you teach them to feel like we feel?
I don’t want to be sold to when I walk into a store. I want to be welcomed. The job is to be a brilliant brand ambassador. Everybody is welcome. Don’t be judgmental whatsoever. Look them in the eyes. Welcome them. ‘How are you?’ Don’t sell! NO! Because that is a turnoff. What we have wanted to do is build an amazing brand experience and an amazing way that people can engage with the brand. Then it will naturally happen. And then I don’t care where they buy. I only care that they buy the brand.

Marissa Mayer on the Power of Good People

Marissa Mayer’s cool confidence has inspired investors to get excited again. The company’s stock price has nearly doubled since her arrival in July of 2012 and the $7.6 billion Yahoo earned from selling half its investment in Alibaba helped fund the acquisitions of Tumblr, Qwiki, GoPollGo, Milewise, and others. So it makes sense that one area she’s focusing on is hiring. At one point, Mayer said Yahoo was getting about 12,000 resumes a week, roughly the same number as its current staff.
Hiring the right people, using them to build products consumers love, using those products to bring in traffic, and using that traffic to grow revenue says Mayer, "are a chain reaction, and they work somewhat like a funnel.”
I have said it would take multiple years…for the growth to be the way we wanted it to be. Having the right people and products and getting to the right traffic. People, products, traffic and revenue.

Anne Wojcicki on the Power of Integrity

The FDA leveled a blow to Anne Wojcicki’s genetic testing startup23AndMe last month, when it ordered the company to stop marketing its $99 DNA test kits. In just a few weeks, the “most daring CEO in America” and the FDA became adversaries. As the dust settled, Wojcicki took the stance of cooperation--while sticking to her company’s mission.
The great loophole in all of health care is that you own your own data and ultimately you can direct your care. We’re direct to consumer not because it’s easy, but because that’s how you create a revolution.
I am highly disappointed that we have reached this point and will work hard to make sure consumers have direct access to health information in the near future. Our goal is to work cooperatively with the FDA to provide that opportunity.
We also want to make clear that we stand behind the data we have generated for customers.
This is new territory for both 23andMe and the FDA. This makes the regulatory process with the FDA important because the work we are doing with the agency will help lay the groundwork for what other companies in this new industry do in the future. It will also provide important reassurance to the public that the process and science behind the service meet the rigorous standards required by those entrusted with the public’s safety.
I am committed to making sure that 23andMe is a trusted consumer product. I believe that genetic information can lead to healthier lives — a goal that all of us share.

Sheryl Sandberg on the Power of Keeping It Real

Facebook's COO and the author of Lean In continues to press hard to make sure Facebook doesn’t flame out. For the woman who once said, “There’s no such thing as work-life balance. There’s work, there’s life, and there is no balance,” is also famous for leaving the office at 5:30 p.m. to spend time with her family.
Likewise, she keeps it real with her boss, Mark Zuckerberg.
We sit next to each other, we Facebook message each other a lot. We give each other feedback every Friday. Remember that when I took the job, I was going to work for a 23-year-old with a $15 billion valuation.

Jenna Lyons on the Power of Nurturing Creativity

Annual revenue in excess of $2.2 billion and expansion into Europe is only part of the story of J.Crew, the preppy retailer that’s been elevated to cult status with its clothes on the backs of Anna Wintour and Michelle Obama. Behind the reinvention of the brand is Jenna Lyons, who holds the dual role of J.Crew's executive creative director and its president. "No financial decision weighs heavier than a creative decision. They are equal," says Lyons. She works hard to encourage the creative side among her staff.
When something hasn't been as beautiful as it can be, the reason is always bigger than the thing. At this stage, I'm like a glorified crossing guard. It's like, try to keep people motivated, keep the traffic moving, keep people from getting stumped or stopped by a problem.
When someone creates something and puts it in front of you, that thing came from inside of them, and if you make them feel bad, it's going to be hard to fix, because you've actually crushed them.
Managing creative people--not so easy. A lot of emotion, a lot of stroking. Some people need tough love. Some people need a lot of love.
Nevertheless, she’s capable of cutting to the chase as denim designer Adriano Goldschmied discovered. “Jenna, every time you talk to her, it’s always a Yes or No, never a Maybe,” says Goldschmied. “I love people who have opinions.”

How to Create More Meaningful Conversations

As an expert at building rapport with people, I help others create meaningful connection to those that are important to them. Meaningful conversation is a strategy to establish that connection.  So let’s dive into this topic and I will share with you some of the most effective techniques and tips that have proven success.
Big insight:  It’s not really what you say as much as what you feel (and how you make someone feel) in your conversation with them that creates the meaning.
Here are 8 practical tips to create more meaningful conversation:

1.  Be real:

I always say this to people and am often shocked why they don’t know what I mean.  Just because you are in a certain environment doesn’t always mean you have to communicate in the way the “rules” of that environment dictate.  Every conversation is a connection no matter where you are.  Being real means talking to people with your sleeves up, letting them in and sometimes being a bit more vulnerable (or open to their vulnerability) than you are used to.  This creates an instant connection.

2.  Always validate:

This is so important when you are communicating with someone and you want to create more meaningful conversation.  Remember, people want to feel heard.  Before you say something, acknowledge everything a person says and receive it.  Not necessarily that you agree with what they said, but that you are taking it in and letting them know it is received, instead of resisted.

3.  Meet people where they are:

You can always steer a conversation later but first appeal to where someone is in the moment.  If you want to create more meaning in your connection, be a bit more flexible in your approach at first.

4.  Take people on a journey:

Want to know what makes movies, songs and stories meaningful?  It’s the journey.  It’s not always a direct route to where you want to go.  Be open to a process in your conversation.  Take people on a journey with you and be curious about theirs.

5.  Link commonalities:

Every talking point can be an opportunity for you to create meaning by learning that they have similar experiences or sharing with someone a part of you that is like them.  Be careful that you don’t create a tit for tat situation here.   The goal is to establish you are like each other, not to compare your stories with theirs.

6.  Know your outcome:

That outcome should be to create a connection before any agenda.  Make your life easier by creating strong connections with more meaning so that you don’t have to work so hard to get where you want to go.  Relationships are everything.  Your outcome and your focus are narrowed to this one thing.  It makes everything else easier.

7.  Make people feel special:

You always want to make someone feel like they are different and they are special to you—in some way.  It’s as simple as that.  Share something with them, ask about an experience they are having and praise or comfort them.  This will take you a long way in someone’s heart.

8.  Create transparency in your conversation and be clear:

Always let someone know where you stand.  People respect you more when they know who you are.  When you clarify, people will let their guard down.  When people let their guard down, they are more open to connect to you and then you will both create more meaning in your experience.
Did you relate to this?   Use these techniques in your own life and see what happens.  I would love to hear from you!

10 Ways to Invest in Yourself

A famous singer in Romania during my youth, I became and remained the breadwinner of my family from a very young age. Everything my loved ones wanted, they got, from houses to cars to the finest education. This constant "giving" continued throughout my life. But along the way, my family trickled away: My sister left to Europe, my daughters all grew up, and my parents and husband passed away. I found myself with, well, no one to please... save myself.
In my eyes my husband was the most wonderful, handsome, and perfect man alive. But after his passing over four years ago, there were suddenly more hours in the day. And with my three grown daughters off on their own, I had no laundry to do, no bills to pay, and no messes to clean up. I was also no longer a shoulder to cry on or dear confidante in need. I could work less and have more free time. But the question was, what would I do with it?
I moved to Florida near the beach soon after my husband's death. To occupy my new-found leisure, I meditated on the gently crashing waves and tried to decipher the seagulls' sad songs. It was during one of these sessions that I realized just how much I adored the ocean. Yet I so rarely experienced its splendor, because I had been investing my time in everything and everyone but myself. I had, in fact, exhausted my powers for the pure love of others.
My anecdote is the reality of many: The majority of us seldom put ourselves in first place. We invest in the latest appliances and gadgets to organize/complicate our lives, hopeful business ventures, and other people's dreams. We dress according to trends and style our hair from magazines. But in doing so, are we doing what we love or do we love conforming to the whims of the world? Are we truly free, or is our freedom entirely dependent on the impressions of others?
Honestly answer these three questions:
When was the last time I did something I loved?
What have I done to better myself in the past month?
To whom do I listen?
You will better understand how your energy is consumed based on your answers. If you feel you deserve more self-care, put into practice the following 10 ways to invest in your own welfare and watch your inherent strength resurface:
Discover your true needs. No two people have the exact same needs. Establish what's most important for you to gain, have, and keep in your life, e.g., what you truly need as opposed to what you simply want.
Raise your self-worth. Even if you think you already possess a healthy dose of self-esteem, work to improve your opinion of yourself. This calls for a remorseless disposal of fears and perceived insecurities as well as the healing of old wounds once and for all.
Never apologize for who you are. Be an unapologetic bearer of your best and worst traits, the totality of your being. What may seem like a personal defect to you may be an endearing trait to someone else. You are perfect and flawed in a unique combination that can never be replicated, and this fact should be embraced.
Never go against your intuition. Your intuition knows more than you think. Learn to trust your inner voice without hesitation; reason may tell you one thing, but your instinct tells you the right thing, always.
Create a bigger version of yourself. Don't settle on a self-imposed plateau; always aim a bit higher than before. Visualize your ideal life -- regardless of how unattainable it may seem now -- and act to manifest it one element at a time.
Take impeccable care of yourself. If you don't practice the art of self-care, who will do it for you? Adopt healthy habits and grow stronger each day in mental, emotional, and physical ways. Ensure that the situations in which you choose to become involved are helpful and not harmful.
Set an example. Setting an example for others means that you act with integrity under all circumstances, which is a sign of careful attention to your being. When you set an example, you show those around you that you've invested in yourself time and time again to reach a level of excellence.
Multiply your riches. There exists greater richness in knowledge, wisdom, compassion, and tenacity than in all the money in the world. These are realizations unmatched by any amount of wealth which allow you to navigate through inevitable challenges with ease. Those who know, grow.
Do what you love. Oftentimes it is the simplest things that deliver the most profound joy, yet we barely find time for these precious activities. Don't postpone your simple pleasures, whether you like to read or sing or hike. Perform actions grounded in a deep seat of love every day.
Weigh your options. Beware of making the same mistakes due to habit or influence. Don't be afraid to go within and weigh your options before making decisions. Remember that you have the right to pick the people and things you want in your life -- they should not pick you.
The beauty of sacrifice is that you will not always be able to put yourself first. But by raising your awareness of what you deserve, you can foster a healthy balance between how much you do for others and how much you do for yourself. You are your single greatest investment, and to put energy into your well-being is to ensure the equal well-being of those who depend on you.
To investing wisely,
Dr. Carmen Harra
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For more by Dr. Carmen Harra, click here.
To visit Dr. Carmen Harra's website, click here.
For more on life lessons, click here.

8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong

“The best way out is always through.”
―Robert Frost
“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed.  But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one.  Up until now I have had no health problems.  I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins.  Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds.  None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”
That’s an entry from my grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977.  I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago.  It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.  And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:

1.  Pain is part of growing.

Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward.  And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to.  When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.  Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.  Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there.  Good things take time.  Stay patient and stay positive.  Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.
Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you.  When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

2.  Everything in life is temporary.

Every time it rains, it stops raining.  Every time you get hurt, you heal.  After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever.  It won’t.  Nothing lasts forever.
So if things are good right now, enjoy it.  It won’t last forever.  If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either.  Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh.  Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile.  Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending.  You get a second chance, every second.  You just have to take it and make the best of it. (Read The Last Lecture.)

3.  Worrying and complaining changes nothing.

Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.  It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.  It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it.  If you believe in something, keep trying.  Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future.  Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter.  Take action instead.  Let what you’ve learned improve how you live.  Make a change and never look back.
And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.

4.  Your scars are symbols of your strength.

Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed.  It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward.  A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of.  Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage.  Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear.  You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them.  You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars.  See your scars as a sign of “YES!  I MADE IT!  I survived and I have my scars to prove it!  And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”

5.  Every little struggle is a step forward.

In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it.  So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way.  Otherwise, there’s no point in starting.  This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion.  It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end.  It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills.  It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar.  It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers.  It could mean lots of time alone in solitude.  Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible.  It gives you the space you need.  Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.
And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds.  And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine.  You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path.  And it’s worth it.  So if you’re going to try, go all the way.  There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

6.  Other people’s negativity is not your problem.

Be positive when negativity surrounds you.  Smile when others try to bring you down.  It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus.  When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.  You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you.  They do things because of them.
Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough.  Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future.  People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it.  So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think.  If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it.  Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.
All jokes aside, your life only comes around once.  This is IT.  So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.

7.  What’s meant to be will eventually, BE.

True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.  There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them.  You can’t force things to happen.  You can only drive yourself crazy trying.  At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience.  It’s a long-term journey.  You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way.  Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds.  You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.  (Read A New Earth.)

8.  The best thing you can do is to keep going.

Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.  Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart.  Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t.  When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right.  Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.
Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher.  Find the strength to laugh every day.  Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  Find it in your heart to make others smile too.  Don’t stress over things you can’t change.  Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Work diligently.  And even if you fall short, keep going.  Keep growing.
Awake every morning and do your best to follow this daily TO-DO list:
  1. Think positively.
  2. Eat healthy.
  3. Exercise today.
  4. Worry less.
  5. Work hard.
  6. Laugh often.
  7. Sleep well.
Repeat…

The floor is yours…

What helps you stay motivated when you’re struggling?  What’s something positive you try to keep in mind when everything seems to be going wrong?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts

How to stop giving a F@$% what people think.

We‘re all guilty.
Everyday from the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring what other people think of us.
We accept the status quo for what it is because everyone around us does.
We tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it’s what we believe in. Eventually our actions, appearances, and lives become moulded by how we think other people perceive us.
How are these pants going to make me look? What will my colleagues think if I spoke out? Are those people talking shit behind my back? If I take this job, what will my friends and family think of me?
Just writing that paragraph alone gave me a headache…
It’s exhausting. It’s dreadful. It has to stop.
Living a life that follows the ideal notions of what other people think is a terrible way to live. It makes you become the spineless spectator who waits for other people to take action first. It makes you become a follower.
Worst of all, it makes you become someone who doesn’t take a stand for anything.
Today is the last day we live a life dictated by others. Today, we’re going to get to the bottom of the truth. Today is the day we stop giving a F@$%.

No one really cares

Believe it or not, we’re not that special.
We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is — those people are thinking the exact same thing.
No one in today’s “smartphone crazed” society has time in their schedule to think more than a brief second about us. The fact of the matter is, when we do have time get our thoughts straight, we’re too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings — not others.
study done by the National Science Foundation claims that people have on average 50, 000 plus thoughts a day. This means that even if someone thought about us ten times in one day, it’s only 0.02%of their overall daily thoughts.
“You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.” — David Foster Wallace
It is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think of most things relating to “me” or “my.” This means that unless you have done something that directly affects another person or their life, they are not going to spend much time thinking about you at all.
I’ve always enjoyed watching performers trying to hustle some change at the New York City train stations. These guys simply don’t give a F@$%.
But the more interesting observation I made is how the spectators react. Rather than watching the actual performers, most people are looking around to see how other people are reacting. If people were laughing, they would start laughing too. But if people weren’t paying attention, they would also pay no mind.
Even when provided the blatantly obvious opportunity to judge someone, people are still thinking about how others may perceive them.
Once you understand that this is how people’s mind works, it’s a big step towards freedom.

You can’t please everyone

It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations.
There will always be people — no matter what we say or how we treat them — that will judge us. Whether you’re at the gym, at work, taking the train, or even online playing Call of Duty. Even now it‘s happening. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you.
Think about the worst thing that could possibly happen when someone is judging you or what you’re doing.
I guarantee that chances are — nothing will happen. Absolutely nothing. No one is going to go out of their busy lives to confront us, or even react for that matter. Because as I mentioned before, no one actually cares. What will happen, is that these people will actually respect you for claiming your ground. They may disagree with you, but they’ll respect you.
Start standing up for what you believe in — causes, opinions, anything. You’re going to have people that disagree with you anyways, so why not express how you truly feel?
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something in life.”— Winston Churchill
I’ve learnt that it’s better to be loved by a few people you care about, than to be liked by everyone. These are family, friends, spouse — the people who love you for who you are, and the people who will be there for you during your worst times. Focus on these people. They’re the only people that matter.

You reap what you sow

Worrying too much about what other people think can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the way we think starts to become the way we behave. These individuals become people-pleasers and overly accommodating to others, thinking it will stop them from being judged.
In fact, the opposite is true. Most people don’t like push-overs and are turned off by it. The behaviour we use in an attempt to please others, can actually cause the opposing effect.
If how we think affects our behaviours, then how we behave affects who we attract.
This means that if you’re a push-over, then you’re going to be attracting others in your life who are also push-overs. Vice versa.
This can be quite a dangerous path to go down if you don’t recognize its consequences.
It’s been said that we are the average of the five people we hang out with the most. When we start to attract and associate with the same people that share our weaknesses — we’re stuck. We stop growing, because there’s no one to challenge us to be better. We start thinking that this is the norm and we remain comfortable. This is not a place you want to be.
Now let’s talk about the cure. Here are 5 ways to stop giving a F@$%.

Reclaiming your freedom

1. Know your values

First and foremost. You need to know what’s important to you in life, what you truly value, and what you’re ultimately aiming for. Once you know who you really are and what matters to you, what other people think of you become significantly less important. When you know your values, you’ll have something to stand up for — something you believe in.
You’ll stop saying yes to everything. Instead, you’ll learn to say no when friends pressure you to go bar-hopping, or when a tempting business opportunity that distracts you from your business.
When you have your values straight, you have your shit straight.

2. Put yourself out there

Now that you know what your values are, it’s time to put yourself out there.
This can be done several ways. Here are a few suggestions:
  • Blogging
  • Wearing a polka-dot sweater
  • Public Speaking
  • Flirting/Asking someone out
  • Keep in mind that when you’re doing any of these activities, you have to speak your mind. Be honest with yourself and what you share, because the world doesn’t need another conflict-avoider who does what everyone else does.

    3. Surround yourself with pros

    Surround yourself with people who are self-assured, and live life without comprising their core values. These people will rub off on you quickly.
    One of my best friends, Cody, has been a big influence on me. Having spent the summer with him, I’ve observed countless times where he strongly voiced his opinion on controversial topics. What I learned was that he was simply voicing opinions that people already had in their heads, but were too afraid to voice. People admired him for being sohonest and direct, even when they disagreed with his views.
    Thanks for not giving a F@$% Cody.

    4. Create a “Growth List”

    OK, now we’re getting personal.
    I haven’t told anyone this, but I have this list called the “Growth List.”
    A Growth List is comprised of all the things in life that makes you uncomfortable. These are fears, insecurities —anything that gives you the jitters.
    My Growth List
    Here’s how it works.
    You start by writing all the things that make you feel uncomfortable.
    Then one-by-one, you do them. Once you complete the task, you move on to the next. Repeat.
    My first growth task was taking a cold shower. I turned the water as cold as it could get, and I could feel my body shake before I even entered the shower. This was the inner bullshit voice in my head talking.
    It was hard at first. But surprisingly, it got easier the second time. Then even easier the third time. Before I knew it, my body stopped shaking — I was no longer uncomfortable, I’ve conquered my fear.
    This exercise does wonders. I have yet to find a better way to get out of my comfortable zone. You can read all the books in the world about being confident or getting over your fears, but if you don’t take action, you’re just someone who’s read how to ride a bicycle without ever having ridden one.

    5. Travel alone

    If you’re looking for an ultimate transformation that combines all of the points above, you should travel alone. Traveling with other people can be fun, but you won’t get the opportunity to truly get out of your comfort zone.
    You’ll be exposed to different social cultures, break social norms that you didn’t even know existed, and ultimately be forced to burst out of your small bubble.
    Bring as little as possible, and fit everything into one backpack. Plan nothing, except for a one-way flight ticket to your destination — figure everything else out when you’re there. Trust me, you’ll be just fine.
    It won’t be easy initially, but don’t get discouraged. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable will grow with time. I continue to struggle with it everyday, as do many others. But you need to get started today.
    The world is already full of people who obey the status quo. But the people who don’t give a F@$% are the ones that change the world.
    Be the latter.
    Start living life the way you want, be fearless like you once were as a child, and always, always stand up for the truth.
    Someone has to.
    If you found this article helpful, give it a big fat Recommend and share it with your loved ones. You can find me on Twitter @sseankim.