AMIT PAUL EKKA: Feb 21, 2014

Friday, February 21, 2014

8 Things Extraordinary People Give to Others

By Angel Chernoff, www.marcandangel.com
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There is no exercise better for your heart than
reaching down and lifting others up.

Today, as I was sitting on the edge of a cliff at a local park, staring off into the distance and thinking about my day, I turned around to see a young lady who was almost in tears slowly walking down to where I was sitting. I got up, walked up to her and asked, “What’s wrong?” She told me she was deathly afraid of heights, but was worried about me and wanted to get over her fear because I looked lonely sitting by myself, and she wanted to make sure I was OK and in a healthy state of mind.

Her name is Kate, and her braveness and kindness blew my mind.

I spent the rest of the day thinking about what an extraordinary person Kate is and about what it means to be extraordinary. Above all, I think, extraordinary people give generously in numerous ways. Specifically, they give others…

1. Reliable, sincere support.

The closest thing to being cared for is to care for others. We are all in this together and we should treat each other as such. The very demons that torment each of us, torment others all over the world. It is our challenges and troubles that connect us at the deepest level.

If you think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life – the ones who truly made a difference – you will likely realize that they aren’t the ones that tried to give you all the answers or solve all your problems. They’re the ones who sat silently with you when you needed a moment to think, who lent you a shoulder when you needed to cry, and who tolerated not having all the answers, but stood beside you anyway. Be this person for those around you every chance you get.

2. Undivided attention and focus.

There is greatness and beauty in making time, especially when it’s inconvenient, for the sake of someone nearby.

You don’t have to tell people that you care, just show them. In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention. Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of results is the ultimate compliment. It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.

When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow wiser and stronger. We help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s growth. So give someone the gift of YOU – your time, undivided attention and kindness. That’s better than any other gift, it won’t break or get lost, and will always be remembered. (Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

3. The freedom to be themselves.

Life’s greatest privilege is to become who you truly are. You have to dare to be yourself, one hundred percent, however anxious or odd that self may prove to be. The people who support you in doing so are extraordinary. Appreciate these people and their kindness, and pay it forward when you’re able.

Never bully someone into silence. Never victimize others for being different. Accept no one’s close-minded definition of another person. Let people define themselves. You have the ability to show people how awesome they are, just the way they are. So act on this ability without hesitation; and don’t forget to show yourself the same courtesy.

4. Their willingness to be open-minded and wrong.

The mind is like a parachute; it doesn’t work when it’s closed.

It’s okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by others. But that doesn’t give you the right to immediately reject any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don’t like what they are thinking and saying. Learn to recognize the beauty of different ideas and perspectives, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.

Healthy relationships and human interactions are not a power struggle. Be willing to be wrong, while simultaneously exploring your truth. (ReadThe Four Agreements.)

5. A voice of inspiration and positivity.

If you attach to the negative behavior of others, it brings you and everyone close to you down to their level. Stay positive when negativity surrounds you. Smile when others frown. It’s an easy way to make a difference. Every time words are spoken, something is created. Be conscious of what you say and how you say it. Use words that build up, appreciate, encourage and inspire.

It’s your job to inspire and motivate others, to feed another’s senses with the ideas and endeavors that move you. Inspiration and positivity begets inspiration and positivity times infinity. Imagine if the people who were inspired to create the light bulb, the telephone, and the personal computer didn’t share it with the world.

6. Recognition and praise.

A brave, extraordinary soul recognizes the strength of others. Give genuine praise whenever possible. Doing so is a mighty act of service. Start noticing what you like about others and speak up. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are is extremely rewarding. It’s an investment in them that doesn’t cost you a thing, and the returns can be astounding. Not only will they feel empowered, but also what goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you too.

Also, be sure to follow this rule: “Praise in public, penalize in private.” Never publicly ridicule someone when you have the option not to. If you don’t understand someone, ask questions. If you don’t agree with them, tell them. But don’t judge them behind their back to everyone else.

7. The compassion and space to save face.

What others say and do is often based entirely on their own self-reflection. When someone who is angry and upset speaks to you, and you nevertheless remain very present and continue to treat them with kindness and respect, you place yourself in a position of great power. You become a means for the situation to be graciously diffused and healed.

A Zen teacher once told me, “When somebody backs themselves into a corner, look the other way until they get themselves out; and then act as though it never happened.” Allowing people to save face in this way, and not reminding them of what they already know is not their most intelligent behavior, is an act of great kindness. This is possible when we realize that people behave in such ways because they are in a place of great suffering. People react to their own thoughts and feelings and their behavior often has nothing directly to do with you. (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

8. Gentleness and consideration.

Be gentle and compassionate with those around you. Mother Nature opens millions of flowers every day without forcing the buds. Let this be a reminder not to be forceful with those around you, but to simply give them enough light and love, and an opportunity to grow naturally.

Ultimately, how far you go in life depends on your willingness to be helpful to the young, respectful to the aged, tender with the hurt, supportive of the striving, and tolerant of those who are weaker or stronger than the majority. Because we wear many hats throughout the course of our lives, and at some point in your life you will have been all of these people.

Afterthoughts

The difference between ordinary people and extraordinary people is the word “extra.” As Anne Frank once said, “No one has ever become poor by giving.” Whenever you can, go out of your way and do something nice and unexpected for those around you, especially those who may never be able to repay you. Be the “extra” in extraordinary.

Your turn…

In your mind, what makes a person extraordinary? What else do extraordinary people give to others? Leave us a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Jesslee Cuizon

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9 Things Happy, Successful People Choose to Ignore

By Marc Chernoff, www.marcandangel.com
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“Life is to be enjoyed, not endured.”
―Gordon B. Hinckley

The president and co-founder of a local charity that directly cares for homeless people in our area is a 38-year-old musician and tattoo artist who’s covered from head to toe with tattoos and piercings, and has long brown dreadlocks that dangle below his waistline. He’s been running the charity since he was 20 and has helped hundreds of people get back on their feet, including a woman I know personally who is now a successful entrepreneur.

I just had a short, inspiring conversation with this unlikely hero a few minutes ago, and now I’m sitting here thinking about the dozens of happy, successful people I know like him who ignore stereotypes, negativity, and naysayers, and go against the grain to make a difference by doing things their own way… the right way.

And following in their footsteps isn’t hard either; you just have to start ignoring…

1. Other people’s judgments.

It’s OK to listen to others, but not at the full expense of your own intuition. Throughout your life there will be many times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.

When you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you truly are. So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you. You don’t have to be someone else to impress and inspire people. Let them be impressed and inspired by the real YOU. Honestly, what does life matter if you lose yourself along the way? Even your mentors should teach you HOW to think, not WHAT to think. So if someone – anyone – is belittling your truth, it might be time to turn the other way.

2. Old troubles from the past.

You can’t change what has already happened, so choose to look ahead instead of behind you. Don’t stress. Do your best. Forget the rest. Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you. Life is a beautiful circle. You’re strong because you know your weaknesses. You’re wise because you’ve been foolish. You can laugh now because you’ve known sadness.

It’s crazy how you always end up where you’re meant to be – how even the most tragic and stressful situations eventually teach you important lessons that you never dreamed you were going to learn. Remember, oftentimes when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place. Just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you won’t be there someday. Everything is going to be come together – maybe not today, but eventually. (Angel and I cover this in more detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

3. Each day’s little frustrations.

A bad day is just a bad day. It comes and it goes. Choose not to make it anything more. You will find that it’s necessary to let some things go simply for the reason that they’re heavy on your heart and soul. Go ahead and let go of them. Don’t clamp shackles to your own ankles. It’s incredibly easy to enjoy more of your life right now, no matter what the situation. It’s just a matter of dropping of the layers of nonsense that are weighing you down.

Behind every beautiful day, there has been some kind of struggle. You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You’re human, not perfect. You’ve been hurt, but you’re alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive today – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. Sometimes there is sadness in your journey, but there is also lots of beauty. You must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when it hurts, for you will never know what is waiting for you just around the bend.

Follow this daily to-do list and you’ll be just fine:

Think positively.
Eat healthy.
Exercise today.
Worry less.
Work hard.
Laugh often.
Sleep well.

Repeat…

4. The necessary pain of hard work and growth.

There are two types of pain in life: pain that hurts you, and pain that changes you. But when you learn from it, they are one and the same. If you want something, you must endure the pain of working for it. It’s that simple. If you’re not where you want to be right now, take the time to visualize yourself in the place you want to be and take the first step in that direction. You may not be able to change your destination in a day, but you can change your direction right now.

Remember, strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you couldn’t. Tough situations build strong, successful people. No matter how much it hurts now, you have to hold your head up, grit your teeth, and keep going. In the end, consistent action speaks for itself. So focus diligently, work hard in silence, and let your success be your noise.

5. Insignificant busywork.

In the beginning, you need to say “yes” to a lot of things to discover and establish your goals. Later on, you need to say “no” to a lot of things and concentrate on your goals. Stop over-committing and trying to do too much at once. Start saying “no” more often. If you never say “no,” you will take on too much and all you will achieve is stress and frustration.

As Bruce Lee once said, “It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.” Many of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important. Don’t be one of them. It’s not what we claim are our priorities, but how we spend our time each day that reveals the truth. Let your daily actions reflect your highest priorities. (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)

6. Impatient thoughts.

Patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in. It’s the willingness to stay focused, confidently staking one small step at a time, knowing that the way you move a mountain is by moving one stone at a time. Every stone you move, no matter how small, is progress.

Whether you are working on improving your health, learning a new skill, or getting a business venture off the ground, you can’t expect instant gratification. Instead, you must dedicate yourself to the best of your ability and understand that real change takes time. Sometimes it may be hard to see your progress. Sometimes it will be frustrating when the results you seek don’t appear as quickly as you had hoped. Still, you are advancing. Hang in there. You may be moving things along slowly, but you are still moving a mountain.

7. The things that can’t be controlled.

Never force anything. Do your best, then let it be. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control. Stop talking about the problem and start thinking about the solution. Forget what could go wrong for a sec and think of what is already right.

Remember, change happens for a reason. Roll with it. It won’t be ideal or easy at first, but it will be worth it in the end. When times are good and everything is comfortably in order, it’s easy to become complacent and forget how skillful and resourceful you are capable of being. Unanticipated troubles are necessary evils that push you forward, because they eventually end, but the lessons and growth you gain from them last a lifetime.

8. Unfounded fears.

Life is about overcoming fear and taking risks. If you don’t take risks, you won’t know what you’re capable of. If you don’t risk anything, you risk everything. Truth be told, nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to expand your comfort zone so you can experience things and understand more… so that you may fear less in the long run.

The reality, of course, is we all get afraid sometimes. It’s not about not being afraid, but what you do when you feel that way. When you feel doubt, or fear, or anxiety, or frustration, know that you can let it go just as surely as you can pull your hand away from a flame. Keep your mind focused on the goodness, on the possibilities and on your most treasured goals. What begins in your mind ends up in your life. Think continually of the way you would like to be, let these thoughts drive your actions, and your reality will reliably catch up with your thinking. (Read Daring Greatly.)

9. The mind’s endless stream of doubts.

Believe in yourself through tough times. Believe in your capacity to succeed. Believe that your relationships are worth the effort. Believe that people make mistakes on their way to greatness. Believe that people can be foolish and intelligent, selfish and generous, and stressed and happy all at once. Believe that very few people hurt others on purpose. Believe that there are many roads to what’s right. Believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths. Believe that the answers are out there waiting. Believe that life will surprise you again and again. Believe that the journey is the destination. Believe that it’s all worth your while.

Or as Roald Dahl once said, “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”

The floor is yours…

Which of the points above have you struggled with? What else do we all need to ignore more often? Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.

Photo by: Bindaas Madhavi

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Live without purpose

By Osho, completewellbeing.com
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October 23rd, 2013

Make your life an aesthetic experience. And not much is needed to make it that; just an aesthetic consciousness is needed, a sensitive soul. Become more sensitive, more sensuous, and you will become more spiritual.

Priests have almost poisoned your body into a state of death. You are carrying paralysed bodies and paralysed minds and paralysed souls—you are moving on crutches. Throw away all those crutches! Even if you have to fall and crawl on the ground, that is better than clinging to crutches.

And experience life in all possible ways—good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter. Experience all the dualities. Don’t be afraid of experience, because the more experience you have, the more mature you become. Search for all possible alternatives, move in all directions, be a wanderer, a vagabond of the world of life and existence. And don’t miss any opportunity to live.

No past, no future

Don’t look back. Only fools think of the past—fools who do not have the intelligence to live in the present. And only fools imagine about the future, because they don’t have the courage to live in the present. Forget the past; forget the future, this moment is all. This moment has to become your prayer, your love, your life, your death, your everything. This is it.

And live courageously, don’t be cowards. Don’t think of consequences; only cowards think of consequences. Don’t be too result-oriented; people who are result-oriented miss life. Don’t think of goals, because goals are always in the future and far away, and life is here, now, close by.

Purposeless beauty

Don’t be too purposive. Let me repeat it: don’t be too purposive. Don’t always bring in the idea, “What is the purpose of it?” because that is a strategy created by your enemies, by the enemies of humanity, to poison your very source of life. Ask the question, “What is the purpose of it?” and everything becomes meaningless.

It is early morning, the sun is rising and the East is red with the sun, and the birds are singing and the trees are waking up, and it is all joy. It is a rejoicing, a new day has happened again. And you are standing there asking the question, “What is the purpose of it?” You miss it totally. You are simply disconnected.

A rose flower is dancing in the wind, so delicate and yet so strong, so soft yet fighting with the strong wind, so momentary yet so confident. Look at the rose flower. Have you ever seen any rose flower nervous? So confident, so utterly confident, as if it is going to be there forever. Just a moment’s existence, and such trust in eternity. Dancing in the wind, whispering with the wind, sending out its fragrance—and you are standing there asking the question, “What is the purpose of it?”

You fall in love with a woman and ask the question, “What is the purpose of it?” You are holding the hand of your beloved or your friend, and asking the question, “What is the purpose of it?” And you may still be holding hands, but now life has disappeared, your hand is dead.

Life is its own purpose

Raise the question, “What is the purpose?” and everything is destroyed. Let me tell you, there is no purpose in life. Life is its own purpose; it is not a means to some end, it is an end unto itself. The bird on the wing, the rose in the wind, the sun rising in the morning, the stars in the night, a man falling in love with a woman, a child playing on the street… there is no purpose. Life is simply enjoying itself, delighting in itself. Energy is overflowing, dancing, for no purpose at all. It is not a performance, it is not a business. Life is a love affair, it is poetry, it is music. Don’t ask ugly questions like, “What is the purpose?” because the moment you ask it, you disconnect yourself from life. Life cannot be bridged by philosophical questions. Philosophy has to be put aside.

Be poets of life, singers, musicians, dancers, lovers, and you will know the real philosophy of life: Philosophia perennis or the perennial philosophy.

The art of living and dying

If you know how to live… it is a simple art. The trees are living and nobody is there to teach them. In fact they must be laughing; seeing that you have asked such a question, they must be giggling—you may not be able to hear their giggle.

The whole existence is non-philosophical. If you are philosophical, then a gap arises between you and existence. Existence simply is, for no purpose. And the person who really wants to live has to get rid of this idea of purpose. If you start living without any purpose, with intensity, totality, love and trust, when death comes, you will know how to die—because death is not the end of life, but only an episode in life.

If you have known other things, if you have lived other things, you will be able to live death too. The real man of understanding lives his death as much as he lives his life, with the same intensity, with the same thrill.

Excerpted from The Book of Wisdom/Courtesy Osho International Foundation/www.osho.com

This was first published in the May 2013 issue of Complete Wellbeing.

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15 Ways To Make Much Better Decisions

By Haydn Shaughnessy, www.forbes.com
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December 9th, 2013

Stephen Elop meets the bloggersPhoto by: Photo credit: luca.sartoni

After Stephen Elop took over as CEO of Nokia a couple of years back one of his most dramatic interventions was the burning platform memo. The key sentence in the tetchy, to say the least, email that Elop sent to Nokia staff in February 2011, was this: “We poured gasoline on our own burning platform. I believe we have lacked accountability and leadership to align and direct the company through these disruptive times.”

From then on he began making his own decisions rather than trying to bring Nokia’s various, historical planning streams towards some kind of unity and success.

You could argue he made disastrous decisions and limited Nokia’s options – but significantly he made decisions that hauled the company off a development path that looked shaky to say the least. In short he made decisions whereas his predecessors had lost the knack.

We assume that one thing companies do relatively well is make decisions. Yet, I suspect there is a decision making crisis and Elop’s intervention is just one example of it (pre and post the burning platform).

With a few honorable exceptions companies do not have rational decision-making processes that can lead them off bad pathways or create fruitful new ones. They do not know how to transform to meet today’s conditions. This is a crisis of process as much as of talent.

It’s not that executives are dumb. It’s more that decision-making is a sociologically bounded activity with limited scope for initiative and rationality. That’s the result of how corporate processes are currently set up.

Over the past three months I’ve been involved in a fascinating project to look at how major companies make their key decisions. My emphatic statement just now is a result of that research.

The research was spurred by moments like the burning platform memo, moments when major companies are saying – we are making all the wrong decisions. It looks specifically at how companies make decisions about innovation and transformation.

I worked on the research with Bryan Kirschner, Director of the Apigee Institute and former Director of Open Source Strategy at Microsoft, (I have interviewed 29 companies so far, those are in-depth, 30 – 60 minute interviews, and Bryan undertook a quantitative survey of 300). On a transparency note my participation was funded by Apigee, the API management company and ultimate owners of the Institute.

The first part of the results are now published in a paper called Swapping Innovation for Transformation, Core Competency for Fluid Core. It builds on some of the issues I raised in the Fluid Core paper published in June.

What cripples companies like Nokia and RIM is an inability to multiply their options and then make good decisions in uncertain times, an unwillingness to address new infrastructure, people and innovation issues. Put another way they are not using innovation as a tool for transformation and a big part of the problem is faulty decision-making processes.

I’ll come back with more on the research, but for now what I have tried to do is create a checklist for better decision making, based on the in-depth interviews.

1. Make space for projecting ahead. You’d be surprised how few companies seem to do it. Decisions often get made without the right information and process to optimize the outcome r to fit the decision in the right context. Sounds obvious, yet some companies actually avoid decisions-as-process. As one interviewee put it, her company only made big decisions when faced with crisis, often when it was too late. In fact they routinely delayed decisions until they became crises. They were more comfortable fighting fires than with finding a truly interactive process where peers could co-decide.

2. Push back on ROI. Creating space for projects to evolve, often means pushing back on financial metrics. Many companies with strong decision-making capability limit their criteria to financial metrics like ROI/NPV. It’s hard to be transformational with those criteria, even though decisions are easier to make when it’s just down to the numbers . Many of the companies I interviewed that had a strong ROI culture invested very little in their foundational capabilities. Enough said. Yet, fitting into the future is impossible without improving foundational capabilities.

3. Getting transformation and innovation in proportion.Companies earning billions avoid spending on concrete transformational steps or big innovations costing a few millions. We even came across companies that would take back from an innovation budget in order to “make their quarter”.

4. Getting off the linear track. Companies are hidebound by recent innovation theories like Open Innovation that more or less require companies to generate more and more initiatives, more and more projects. But new open innovation projects are not necessarily connected to strategy. The open innovation world needs to develop strategic options thinking that limits and guides new projects. Don’t do OI without it.

5. Drop the stage-gate. Some companies are moving beyond stage-gate decision-making, the practice of pushing new projects in front of decision-making committees at set stages of a project. They talk instead about “graduation”, about maturing a project and developing the capabilities of the people within it. They allude to a more mature process of negotiation over the types of projects that are going to work and the requirements of the people who are going to run them. In effect, they shun the committee as well as the stage-gate in favor of capability.

6. Investing in people’s decision making capabilities. As I said earlier, very few companies were investing in their foundational capabilities, or those of their people. They expected to do innovation off the back of a few inspired or crazy entrepreneur types in the organization who would somehow “get it done”. Or they expected to work with committee structures to force a project through, or find external experts to hep them reject projects that looked like they were no good. Very few saw bettering their own people in the innovation process as a must-have.

7. Questioning the decision models. What should replace a strict ROI/NPV type decision model? One company look at financial metrics as part of the discovery process. In other words, you find out as you go along. I have my own views here - think we have several information social decision models like customer engagement. We need to sharpen these so that they have a more formal place in decision making processes (see point 12).

8. Pursuing mindful decision making. Plenty of companies are happy to let the market dictate decision-making, especially those companies with a record of acquisitions. They look to create a sense of unity where it might not exist. The refrain to frustrated people who want to innovate? We can’t upset the markets, we have to make the numbers. They resist any sense of transformation in case it is seen as a diversion. The result is decision-making without the thinking.

9. Going beyond brand. Something similar happens with companies that obsess over the brand They make too big a virtue of sticking to core competency because that is closely identified with their brand building and intangible asset value. It also creates a top down CEO-led culture. Great companies like Apple can do this. Companies like BMW are good at it too. But without strong decision making power at the top, and real CEO excellence, the brand can become a millstone.

10. Building transformational narratives. Making big decisions requires a transformational narrative – decision making is part logic but significantly bigger parts emotion and inspiration; the transformational narrative must encompass these facets. Great companies (Autodesk comes to mind but the usual suspects are there too, like Google) tell the story of change not just of imminent disaster. It creates room for new types of decisions.

11. Avoid waiting for crisis. One of our interviewees was an executive in a major car maker. His complaint? Even though there has been plenty of crisis in the auto industry his company never felt threatened enough to make radical decisions. They were in business-as-usual mode and would not shift until crisis hit.

12. Bringing social decision making in. Companies that run events like hackathons and jams tend to have no process to make decisions about the outputs of those social innovation events. So they have a few new prototypes? So what? Are they connected to strategy? Is there a way to make a place for them?

13. Understand the downstream agenda in an accelerated service economy. Companies are still over-focused on the pre-market aspects of innovation and are not making decisions about downstream activity. If you want to run an ecosystem or build a customer community you have a whole bunch of decisions to make about how, and at what cost, to stimulate what kinds of revenue streams. Companies need a structured approach to downstream decisions because revenue is no longer about the margin on a product that a customer pulls of a shelf.

14. Seek out uncertainty reducing tools. We found companies are comfortable with certainty-making tools like NPV or business plans but are not really seeking out uncertainty reducing tools, the imaginative scenarios and intellectual work that builds some rationality into unpredictable times. The reality is there aren’t that many such tools around but there is a need to invest in uncertainty reduction as a risk reducer. I recommend GigaOm’s Vector Roadmap tool. I used it here.

15. Develop fluid core competencies. Finally we found that many companies would insist they were sticking to a core competency even when all the evidence was that they were developing new ones and moving in some fundamentally new directions. We have to develop a new language around competency and what is core to a company. Core purpose is survival and longevity. Core competency is whatever takes you into profitable directions to ensure you achieve your purpose.

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Know Your Market, Save Your Deal BY Andrew Silver

By Andrew Silver, www.inc.com
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December 19th, 2013

The private equity fund was interested in my deal. The partner said they’d looked at 48 companies in the sector, and that this was the first one they liked. They made a non-binding offer that was attractive to the seller, and began their detailed due diligence.

Ninety days later, they walked.

This is a business owner’s worst nightmare. (I sure wasn't happy about it, either.) But a skilled banker working in your corner can help you overcome obstacles like this. It starts with having personal knowledge of the private equity funds involved; generating interest among multiple parties on the buy-side, including both financial and strategic players; and, above all, perseverance.

Not all private equity funds are created equal. Some have a multibillion-dollar investment fund; some have no fund at all. These funds raise money when deals arise (so-called “pledge funds” or “fundless sponsors”). Some funds are industry-specific, but most will work with any industry sector. Some try to put as much debt as possible on the balance sheet of an acquired company to boost investor returns. Others adopt a much more conservative financial strategy.

Most, however, are interested in one goal above all others--to make as much money as possible, in the shortest time possible. They are in business to make money for their investors and they want to hit home runs. Observing private equity partners review prospective deals is much like watching a batter in the batter’s box watching pitch after pitch without an umpire. They can look at as many pitches (companies) as they want without having to swing at any. Their goal is to only swing when they can hit a home run.

Strategic or corporate buyers, on the other hand, know and understand your industry. They are not in business to buy and sell companies, like private equity funds are. They tend to move more slowly and more diligently when they evaluate opportunities. The risk of disclosure is greater with strategic buyers because they may be the seller’s competitors. Sellers need to carefully consider what confidential information to release and when. The seller should also ensure that key employees don’t learn about the potential sale of the company from third parties.

Your job, and your cash

The seller’s current management team is very important to private equity funds, but may be less important to strategic buyers, because they have their own executive team. Business owners will typically be required to sign a non-compete agreement with strategic buyers in the event they leave the company. Private equity groups are much more focused on retaining the management team through equity ownership.

When it comes to valuation, however, strategic buyers almost always win over private equity funds. Strategic buyers have lower financial hurdles and cheaper capital, as well as the opportunity to boost profits by realizing synergies through cost savings and/or accelerated sales growth.

One deal I did several years ago highlights just how significant the differences in valuation can be. My client, who manufactured building products, entertained offers from private equity funds and strategic buyers. The strategic buyers were intensely competitive, with each not only wanting to own the business but to keep the other strategic buyers from acquiring it. In a true auction atmosphere, we were able to achieve a price almost 50 percent higher than what the private equity funds had suggested.

To meet and exceed seller expectations, a robust sales process should involve both strategic buyers and private equity groups. A banker who knows how to effectively work with both types of buyers is critical to the business owner's personal and financial goals. If the owner’s primary goal is to maximize the value of the company and get the most cash possible, a strategic buyer will normally be the ideal candidate. If protecting management’s long-term role in the company, after the sale, is a primary goal, a private equity group normally works best.

Saving the deal

After the private equity group walked away from the deal mentioned earlier, we contacted additional prospective buyers. One was another PE firm who had not studied the sector as the first group claimed to, but they had a reputation for closing deals. Also, the deal fit their portfolio from a size standpoint, whereas the transaction would have been extremely small for the first group. We explained to the owners that not all private equity firms are alike, and that the second outfit seemed much more likely to get a deal done precisely because it was a smaller fund. In fact, within three months of our first meeting we had a new letter of intent. The deal will close less than 12 months from our initial conversation with the second private equity firm.

Last updated: Dec 19, 2013

So you want to know how to make people like you? It's easier than you think.

By Eric Barker, theweek.com
View Original
December 12th, 2013

When in doubt, parrot.Photo by: Thinkstock

So you want to know how to make people like you? It's easier than you think.

Here are six research-backed tips:

1. Encourage people to talk about themselvesIt gives their brain as much pleasure as food or money:

Talking about ourselves — whether in a personal conversation or through social media sites like Facebook and Twitter — triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money, researchers reported Monday…

"Self-disclosure is extra rewarding," said Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir, who conducted the experiments with Harvard colleague Jason Mitchell. Their findings were published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. "People were even willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves," Ms. Tamir said. [The Wall Street Journal]

2. To give feedback, ask questionsIf you use questions to guide people toward the errors in their thinking process and allow them to come up with the solution themselves, they're less likely to feel threatened and more likely to follow through.

It's not you searching for problems; it's him searching for gaps in his thinking process. You want people to look for assumptions or decisions that don't make sense upon further reflection…The more you can help people find their own insights, the easier it will be to help others be effective, even when someone has lost the plot on an important project. Bringing other people to insight means letting go of "constructive performance feedback," and replacing it with "facilitating positive change." [Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long]

Here's more on feedback.

3. Ask for adviceStanford professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, persuasion expert Robert Cialdini and many others have all recommended asking for advice as a powerful way to influence others and warm them to you.

Wharton professor Adam Grant breaks down the science behind it:

New research shows that advice seeking is a surprisingly effective strategy for exercising influence when we lack authority. In one experiment, researcher Katie Liljenquist had people negotiate the possible sale of commercial property. When the sellers focused on their goal of getting the highest possible price, only eight percent reached a successful agreement. When the sellers asked the buyers for advice on how to meet their goals, 42 percent reached a successful agreement. Asking for advice encouraged greater cooperation and information sharing, turning a potentially contentious negotiation into a win-win deal. Studies demonstrate that across the manufacturing, financial services, insurance and pharmaceuticals industries, seeking advice is among the most effective ways to influence peers, superiors, and subordinates. [Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success]

4. The two-question technique
Ask them about something positive in their life. Only after they reply should you ask them how they're feeling about life in general.

Sounds silly, but this method is based on research by Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman.

A positive answer on the first question will lead to them feeling more positive about their life in general when you ask the second question:

The same pattern is found if a question about the students' relations with their parents or about their finances immediately precedes the question about general happiness. In both cases, satisfaction in the particular domain dominates happiness reports. Any emotionally significant question that alters a person's mood will have the same effect. [Thinking, Fast and Slow]