Readers please help me with my Conundrum!!

• blog.desidaasi.com
• View Original
• July 20th, 2013

As an Indian wife here are the Commandments that I consider sacrosanct.

1. Respect for my Swami.
2. Obedience and Submission to his wishes
3. Putting his needs before mine
4. Loyalty. You have to be in his good books to be in my good books

My biggest challenges as his Daasi are when there is a conflict between Commandment 1 and Commandment 2.

Luckily for me most acts that I consider disrespectful to my Swami, are not things my Swami wishes me to do, so most of the time 1 and 2 are not in conflict. An example of this is would be "Yelling at my Swami or calling him names". I consider this a violation of Commandment 1 and as a Dominant he obviously does not wish me to yell at him or call him names, so we are fine here.

But there are a few acts that put Commandment 1 and Commandment 2 in conflict for me. I consider it extremely disrespectful to my Swami to sit in a position where the bottom of my feet are exposed to him. I also don't want the bottom of my feet to touch any part of his body. Sometimes, this happens by mistake, and I immediately apologize and ask for forgiveness. For me kicking my Swami is tantamount to kicking God. It is a big no-no

My Swami however, likes to play with my feet. He specially likes to take my feet in his hands and play with my toe rings. He says he loves my small feminine feet and loves to feel them with his hands. He does nothing beyond that and when he plays with my feet, it is so pleasurable. I love his tender touch, but for me it is like kicking his hands with my legs. I have begged him many times to stop it, but he just refuses to listen. He is my Swami so what can I do? He gets his way.

There is one other act that he insists on doing that really puts Commandment 1 and 2 in an even bigger conflict for me. We disagreed about it so much that he actually wrote it into the contract and told me for this one act, Commandment 2 would permanently take precedence of Commandment 1. Again like the "feet caressing" act I immensely enjoy this act, but I always beg forgiveness from GOD for breaking Commandment 1 by allowing him to do this.

What is this act?

Cunnilingus.

If you have been reading my blog you know by now that I just worship my Swami's cock. I love everything about it, I love sucking it. It satisfies some deep craving in me. I talk about how it makes me feel here

Pleasuring him orally is the best example of obeying Commandment 1, 2 and 3 in a single act for me. I get to serve and submit to him thus satisfying Commandment 2, I kneel before him during the act, showing him that I respect him thus satisfying Commandment 1. When he is aggressive in oral sex, and gags and chokes me, I feel happy because I feel that I am fulfilling Commandment 3. In other words, giving oral sex is something I crave.

The problem is My Swami likes to return the favor. He wants me to give the same pleasure he gets and he is pretty good at pleasuring me orally. Sexually it is extremely enjoyable and I have had some pretty intense orgasms from it. I am also deeply moved that he cares about my pleasure as much as he cherishes his. However in my mind, having my Swami put his mouth on my pussy, is even worse than me kicking him. I have however acquiesced to his will on this and it is in our contract under Article 5, under behavior 11 and there are stiff penalties for violating it. but I feel so guilty about it.

But when he goes down on me, my inner slave wags her finger at me. In my mind the act of giving oral pleasure is a my domain and my domain alone as a Slave. As a Daasi, I should suck his cock. I should kneel before him, he should stand over me and throat fuck and gag me. He should fuck my pussy and my ass and demand that I then suck his cock, he should come in my mouth and demand that I swallow. When I perform oral sex on my Swami, I feed my inner slave, I enjoy serving him and I get immense sexual pleasure from it.

I would be flummoxed if one fine day my Swami demanded that I spank him or use a clover clamp on his nipples since he likes it and demands that I do it because he commands me to do so. Those are things I want him to do to me to show me who is the boss, to reinforce his power and dominance over me. In other words, these activities are on a list of actions that a Master does to his Slave. A Slave never does these things to her Master right? For me spanking or using clover clamps on my Swami would violate Commandment 1

When my Swami performs oral sex on me, it does not satisfy my submissive urges at all, obviously I don't get the joy of servicing him and while I do get sexual pleasure from it, it fails on the other two fronts for me. Then there is the big issue of it violating Commandment 1 in my mind.

We have gone back and forth on this, so my Swami suggested I ask readers what they think. He is hoping that all of you will tell me to be a good Daasi and spread my legs so that my Swami can have his way with me and lick me to to glorious orgasms!! I am hoping you will validate me and I can convince him that pleasuring me orally is a violation of our Swami/Daasi relationship!!

So here is my question to you.

1. When there is a conflict between Commandment 1 and Commandment 2, which should get precedence?
2. Does Commandment 2 imply that my Swami has final say on what is disrespectful to him? Right now his views are more liberal than mine on these so called "disrespectful acts". He feels that playing with my feet and performing cunnilingus is his right and both are not violations of Commandment 1, specially because they give me sexual pleasure!!
3. If you agree with him, any thoughts on how I can make the transition to not considering Cunnilingus as disrespectful? That would be so good!!

Please don't tell me my Commandments are arbitrary and I should just give them up. I can't do that. Obeying these Commandments are my life and define me as a person.

Thank you in advance for your advice. Now I wait with my fingers crossed :-)