I’m ugly. I’m ugly inside, I am. But I try, I hope that’s beautiful enough for you. I have always been ugly inside. I go through different stages of ugly. Some days, I can handle the ugliness, on the other days, it gets too much for me to live with. It consumes me, it devours me like Satan devoured his son. It’s scared, like Satan was.
I damage myself, but that’s how I heal. Please don’t judge how I heal myself, I’m trying really hard here. I can’t be honest, the truth hurts. I choose denial. Denial is my monster. I created it. I beautify it. I wish a fire will consume it. I wish it would throw me out in the dead of the night, or drown me in the sea.
I want to live. I want to feel happiness; I want to taste exhilaration. I want to learn to accept love, to not keep running away from it. It’s hard to be this person, I’m dying here. Love is kind, people aren’t. Love heals, people hurt.
I have lost my stable ground once. I’m building it again. I’m going to be my own solid ground. I’m a broken window, no one wants to beautify me. They want to click pictures of me, tell the world how ugly I am. That’s okay. I have fought my battles and lost. I’ll live with these broken pieces, nobody has to have it together all the time.
Right?
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